Get Spannk’ed

Spannk Magazine was born out of anger and frustration. Anger at the lame, cheesy way in which our city, Miami, is depicted in the media: pansies rollerblading on Ocean Drive with waxed chests; girls throwing beach balls around, carefree, wearing wraparound shades and juggling enormous plastic breasts, barely avoiding getting hit by parades of cruising Bentleys and Jags. Frustrated that it’s impossible to walk into any magazine stand or bookstore and find one publication that represents our city properly.

Granted, we have magazines like Ocean Drive and Ego Trip that give you a play-by-play call on all the happenings over the bridge. But that’s not Miami; it’s South Beach. If you’re interested in which chef is cooking at the newest hotspot, then go for it. But I guarantee you those magazines won’t tell you about the undercovers working as taxi drivers on the beach.

Miami needs to discover its own identity. Being New York’s vacation spot is not cutting it anymore. Sorry, but I get offended when I hear celebs like Sean Combs, Puffy, Diddy, whatever he calls himself these days—in addition to our mayor—talk about our city. Buddy, you have a home on Star Island, but are from the Big Apple and don’t know the first thing about Kendall, Cutler Ridge, Hialeah or Homestead! Miami is growing at an alarming rate and shouldn’t be considered anyone’s little brother anymore.

We had our moment in the 80s with “Scarface,” “Miami Vice,” Luke, and the boys who brought us cigarette boats, Cocoplum, and shootouts at Dadeland Mall. But, once the 90s rolled around, we got lame. We gave up our soul to outsiders who have taken over our city and claimed it as their own. They started up their little magazines, and opened up their little nightclubs with cheesy, French door guys—who might I add, are rejects in their own country. These folks treat Miami people like shit, and expect us to take it! Nah man; it’s over!

Miami, we’re bringing you the first magazine you can call your own—a magazine created for locals bylocals. We’ll present you with pictorials of authentic Miami girls— real Miami girls!  No models, no waifs—none of that. We’ll have sexy shoots, with the hottest local women. Whatever flavor you’re into, we’ll have it: Colombians, Jamaicans, Cubans…

We’ll profile the most dynamic, and not so dynamic, characters our city has to offer. Hilarious dating and sex articles written in an unapologetic manner that will make you blush and laugh at the same time—you’ll find it here. And more than anything, it’s all real and fun.

There’s so much cool stuff going on in this city that gets thrown down by the wayside. For example, there’s a group of graffiti artists that have evolved from their days of tagging up street signs, to being commissioned for thousands of dollars for their paintings. There is a music movement brewing with bands like Suéñalo, Locos Por Juana, and the Spam Allstars that have created a Latin, funk fusion sound that is starting to gain major momentum.

And, did I mention how many hot Miami girls we’re featuring in our magazine? For real, check us out. Get a taste for your real city. It’s yours, not Hollywood’s version. Join us and help us to win our city back. It’s been too long, and I’m sure as hell tired of greasing Nicola with a fiddy to get in!

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