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Sexy asks ...

12-0 ranked 10 and going to the Sugar Bowl. Keep hating, country, we feed off it. This really isn't a question, just had to have a place to say it lolol. HAWAIIAN PRIDE

Congratulations on a great season sexy! Regardless of how shitty your schedule is, you deserve to be congratulated. By the way, your true test is coming up against Georgia. Beating them would then give you a legitimate reason to brag. GOOD LUCK!

Sexy asks ...

Keep hating, like the rest of the country. 11-0 going into home game w/ Washington. I'll be at this one. Any predictions?

I will give you support and go with Hawaii to take it to the Huskies, especially since you are at home. I may be overly stating the fact that you have one of the easiest schedules in the country but that was a decent win vs. Boise St. and I like your quarterback. BTW, I think Hawaii can beat the Miami Dolphins right now so who are we to talk.

Sexy asks ...

Let's hear it, talk to me. You know what I wanna hear. 10-0 and I get my starting QB vs. Boise St. next week. Keep it going. WORD

Sexy, atleast you have something to cheer for with Hawaii. Yes, it is true that the toughest team you have played so far is "Mari Magdalena school for the blind" but you are undefeated nonetheless. Congratulations and good luck this weekend. I will go with Hawaii for this game.

Sexy asks ...

Spannk's got some die-hard supporters of Miami teams it seems. I can't seem to convince some of you that the Heat aren't going to show much this year. My team is Boston...did ya SEE this tonight? Holy shit. As long as those guys stay loose like that, I can only think of 3 maybe 4 teams that would be a challenge in a money game. Word?

Boston will win the east. The Heat are an embarrassment.

pandulce asks ...

Johnny I need some advice. So Ive been in one fucked up, not girlfriend but "relationship" with a girl for about two years now. We've gone through a lot of bullshit. The sex is great but for whatever reason I just cant commit. The girl is cool as shit and I know I wont find a chick that will treat me this well. Now its gotten to the point where she doesn't want to talk to me cause I wont take the "relationship" serious, but I still want her in my life. What should I do??

I feel you my brother. Most of us dont like to discuss the "C" word but if you are keeping this girl around and you dont love her to be the mother of your kids after 2 years and she is in love with you, then the right thing to do is to let her go. Falling crazy in love with somone isnt forced, it will happen naturally without your choice, so if you are not head over heels for this woman after 2 years then you are keeping her around for the wrong reasons.

Piloto asks ...

Johnny I fucking hate Farve. That smelly hick pill popping cock sucker just cost me 33o dollars!!!!!!!! I shouldve listened to you!!!!!!!! I just figured that the broncos after beating the steelers last weekend would play good. fucking homos!! Johnny, I am on a major losing streak. Any advice for a degenerate gambler like myself who can't catch a break? btw, my buddies at work looked at your record and thought that you were lying. I told them. BTW, tell RIP to go with pretty boy Brady and the cheating Patriots

I feel for you man. I myself was leaning towards the Broncos because that line smelled fishy but I cant go against Favre on a Monday Night. Its unreal that the pill popper can still play. I can tell you from my experiences in the past that you must step back and take a deep breath. Pushing the issue and trying to net a win can be very difficult when you are "steaming". Im not sure how you can be on a major losing streak? Im hitting 2 of every 3 plays in the NFL! Have you no faith? BTW, should I post every game from all my bulletins this year so that you buddies at work can see for themselves? Tell them to stop hating and find me a better handicapper out there right now. 25 - 13 so far in NFL this year.

rip asks ...

Btw, just getting a head start... But what's your feeling on the Colts and Pats this Sunday? Is Marvin Harrison still hurt?

It is definitely too early to talk about this game but I can tell you this much, there is no way in hell that I will bet against those Patriots. As good as the Colts are I dont think they can beat the Pats. As for Marvin Harrison, he is questionable for this Sundays game due to a banged up knee but I can guarantee you that if he can walk, he will be on that field for this game. We will brief up on this subject later on this week.

rip asks ...

Johnny, I attended the Spannk Halloween Party on Saturday and noticed that there was a full moon. Many of my friends were acting erratically and fighting, and acting hornier than usual. Is there a reason for that during full moons?

For years my mother has noticed that my Dad and I are always in a bad mood when there is a full moon. I tend to get a little crazy during this day. However, up until now, there is no scientific evidence to support the fact that a full moon has any influence on odd or erratic behavior.

Sexy asks ...

So johnny, I've been with this chick two years, and she's younger than I am. She's got baggage no doubt, but most things I can handle. However she's got this nasty habit of making plans with me but calling me an hour late to tell me she's having too much fun with her friends, and is going to carry happy hour over to dancing all night. I can't get her to understand, but I keep letting her come back. Whatdafuxupwitdat?

It all depends on how serious the relationship is. I see that this relationship in particular is 2 years which is long enough were you need to put your foot down. Sit her ass down and tell her you are sick and tired of that BS and that if she wants to continue the relationship then the shit needs to stop. I am perfectly fine with allowing your girlfriend some nights out with the girls and you should also find time to hang with the fellas, but if you are making plans with her and she is breaking them an hour late, then shes running some game on you bra. It really all depends what you want from this girl also. If she is somone you want to be with for the long term then you need to flip that script on her. Communication is key, if she can't understand how you feel, then cancel her.

admin asks ...

Hey Johnny, let me ask you your opinion on something. They say that you shouldn't mix business with personal, but what if you are blessed with being able to do business and work hand in hand with your friends? Should you take the plundge or should you keep the two seperate?

I know they say not to mix business and friends but I couldnt think of anything better. It is true that you run a higher risk of severing that friendship due to differences of opinion in doing that business, but the gamble is worth the reward if it pays off. Why not try and make a bunch of loot with your close friends, but all of you need to realize that the maturity level must be taken to the next notch and understand that there will be tense moments and move on. All parties must give 100% for this to work. ******* On another note: Did you guys read my bulletins last night on college football and MLB? I hope all of you paid attention but im guessing most of you took USF just like those vegas oddsmakers were hoping you did. We win together and we lose together, dont ever lost faith in Johnny.

pandulce asks ...

Johnny, the Canes are coming off back to back losses and have to face Florida State next week. I have a bet with Admin on that game. What are the chances that UM wins that game (lol)?

Sorry bro, I refuse to discuss a game that consists of 2 dogs full of fleas. This is not a game of who is better but a game of who is worse. If I had to pick a winner here because it was a life or death situation then I would just go ahead and choose death.

Sexy asks ...

We've got a new buddy in the bathroom wall. "Tito" really doesn't seem to like the mag or the fans. In your professional opinion, is he the 6'2 gangster slammin Caddy doors, slingin and cuttin bitches that he claims he is, or is he really just a transsexual midget with an Oedipus complex?

I have no clue man. I really gotta think that its somone just messing around. If not, hes a tool. Or, he could be pissed off that he couldnt find that peach lacoste in his size (lol pandulce).

rip asks ...

Dear Johnny, you see to be a well-rounded individual. I've been in a relationship for 6 yrs. Is it cheating when you fantasize about other girls? Please advise, I'm beating myself over this, no pun intended?

Bro, I can tell you this, I have done it many times. I understand that it may be wrong but how else can a man not go insane? I tell you this, I would not want my woman thinking of another man while im bangin her but if I had to choose which is better, actually cheating or just visualizing it in your mind, I would say the latter is best. Just dont make the dumb mistake I did once and yell out the persons name thats in your mind.. OOPS!

Sexy asks ...

So Marion Jones is a juicer, and she lost all her medals and records. Do you buy her teary apology or was just just a well-done PR stunt? I mean how many more Balco people can say they didn't know they were taking gear?

definite PR stunt. I believe that they all knew what they were taking was roids. Its a shame because I believe most of these athletes would have excelled even without it. Roids cant help you hit a 98 mph fastball with a wooden stick. I do believe it helped this bitch run faster though.

admin asks ...

johnny, i have a friend of mine who' s a gambling fiend, but is too lazy to register on spannk. he wanted me to ask you about the three mlb games today... who do you like? he saw your record on sunday and has gotten a hard on. although you did lay an egg with the bengals. NEVER bet against Tom Brady and the Patriots. Some people never learn.

You are so fucking right! Never bet against that little fag Tom Brady and the Pats. It took me years to learn not to bet the Dolphins. Hopefully, it wont take me that long to learn to not bet against the Pats. I missed the first 2 days of MLB playoffs and for that I apologize. Looking at the bright side, it has given me a chance to evaluate the situation better and I should hit the next 8 of 10 games. Stay tuned for my bulletin at approx. 1pm or so for my Friday Night under the lights picks!

rip asks ...

johnny whats your pick for tonights game? what a streak you're on!!

Im taking the Bengals. How many f 'in blowouts in a row can New England have? I will put my $ with "cinco ocho" tonight (for those who are ignorant, cinco ocho is Bengals receiver Chad Johnson). Please check my bulletin around 6 - 7 pm because you never know what can cause me to change my mind by then. Ride my coattails while im hot!!

Sexy asks ...

So Johnny...since the Miami NCAA/NFL football scene is pretty much a complete failure this season, does that mean by default you all become USF Bulls fans? You have to admit that win was pretty inspiring, even if they look like they're going OUT tonight BIG fully prepared to ruin any chance of success next week guaranteed. Bunch of dirty rednecks...good for them!

No, I am not a big USF fan now. I would like for them to do well because I love the underdog and they are close to us but in no way am I jumping on any bandwagon like the rest of you here in Miami.

Piloto asks ...

johnny, is ok to disagree on spannks bathroom wall? i did tonite and got slammed. please advice.

Piloto, It is definitely ok to disagree on the bathroom wall. Dont worry about admin ripping you. Seems it is ok for admin to rip into everyone but will get sensitive when ripped into. I personally love the freedom of speech and we encourage it here. Dont back down and stand up for yourself Piloto!

rip asks ...

Johnny, what are you feelings on parlays???? Anyways, tommorow the Saints are throwing downn against Tennessee.... I think the Saints are due,,, what's your intuition telling you. Happy you guys have the sports book rolling. My bookies a dead beat that wakes up right before kickoff.. You wouldnt happen to know anybody would you?

Parlays are alot of fun but its hard enough to hit one game, even harder to hit two. Why do you think you don't have to pay juice? Its because the bookies want you to throw parlays. I will get back to you on tonights game. I will post a bulletin around 6pm today. FYI, we here at spannk do not have a sportsbook, I am simply giving odds and opinions. Play at your own risk. Also, if you are having trouble placing plays, the only non illegal way that I can help is newbodog.com. Here, you have to deposit first, which in the long run will help keep you in check. Good Luck.

pandulce asks ...

Johnny, I know spannk is Pro-Canes, but be real with me, tonights game, texas a&m plus 1 and half??? what do you think??

Sorry I did not get to this question. Now that Spannk has provided me with a forum with odds I will be on top of this every day. Thank you Spannk staff for finally giving an inch. I hope you took the canes but stay tuned for my Sunday extravaganza!!!! Much Love!!

Sexy asks ...

So Johnny, I see you with that basketball in the picture. I'll play you 1v1 for $500. To 25 1's and 2's. Are you down??

I was first team all Dade County.... about 15 years ago...LOL

Piloto asks ...

what happened to the monday night pick??? the eagles just blew my allowance!!!!! By the way, Johnny is it ok to tell your girlfriend that you want to go to strip clubs with her? I am dying to get her a lap dance.. I think she would dig it. We watch porn together, and have talked about other girls even though it's a pipe dream. what do you think?

I will be more than happy to post my picks but since nobody asked, and the deuschebags that run the computer program part of the site have not given me the proper sports forum that I have been asking for, then I had no way of posting anything. I guess I want things my f 'in way or no way. After all, who is Johnny? Its me, and I want it my way. Did you guys at Spannk hear that? Or do you want to keep half assing my column and ideas? I dont want my d!ck pulled anymore by telling me Im going to have a sports forum and a sports ticker etc.. stfu and do it already. With that being said, let me answer your question. Taking your girl to a strip club is a good way to get a feel for the situation. Remember that you are there for her and you must focus your attention on pleasing her. You will get a sense whether she is comfortable or not. Do not go off and start to flirt with the strippers and get yourself dances, when they come up to you, explain to them you are there to entertain your girl and not yourself. If you get your girl dances than that should be enough enjoyment in itself. Make sure that you let her pick the girl and dont over do it. Stay an hour or so, grab a couple of drinks and bounce. Your girl will either be mad turned on or grossed out. If she has nothing good to say, your threesome is nothing but a pipedream as you say. If she is turned on, then you have scraped the surface to something that could turn into what you are looking for. Remember this, never pay importance to the 3rd party, keep your girl the focus of attention, do not do anything without her permission and always let her be in charge.

Sanchez asks ...

Hey Johnny, what time does Vegas post? Would love to hear your picks especially for the 4 o'clocks.

JOHNNY'S PICKS FOR SUNDAY 9/16 1:00 : Browns +8, Colts - 7.5, Packers +3, Falcons +10' ------ 4:00 : Dolphins +4 (caution, fins always fuck me), Ravens - 10, Broncos - 10, ---------- 8:00 Chargers +4---- GROW A SACK PEOPLE AND LET IT RIDE!!!!!!!

colt45 asks ...

Hey Johnny, How do you feel about this week's NFL schedule? Can you offer any insight to help sway my picks?

I am currently working on my portfolio of picks for this Sunday. Being that we are still 1.5 days away for the NFL, I do not feel comfortable about giving picks just yet. There is still too much time for a QB to catch his wife in bed with the defensive end and that could have an impact on who I go with. Also, I am waiting on info from the top dogs who actually set the Vegas lines every week. Stay tuned and I will have it up either Saturday late night or early Sunday morning. Mad love for my supporters!

pokerjunkie asks ...

Yo Johnny... I love your column... I took a beating in the NFL yesterday and really would have appreciated some picks.. Hopefully you will fill us in on your knowledge next week.. I was wondering if you can give me your play for tonight to help me get out of the hole... Thanks

Ahhh.... The Monday hole. Been there my friend. I can also tell you that many of times I have gotten "unstuck" on Monday. Are you ready for some foooootballl... a Monday night paaaartyyyy!!!! Wohoooo.... Lets get down to business. Johnnys Monday Night get out of the hole picks are: game #1 - RAVENS +3, game #2 - Cardinals +3'.. Grow a sack and let it ride!!!!

colt45 asks ...

Hey Johnny, when I logged on this morning I was surprised that you didn't have your Sunday picks up. After seeing your coverage of baseball on your M.S. page I thought for sure you would have posted your Sunday football picks already. I guess I will just have to take my action some place else. Shame, was looking forward to your sports forum.

Send an email to admin@spannk.com and tell "the brain" to get on it. I want my own sports picks section.

Piloto asks ...

Johnny, I've noticed that lots of guys wear sneakers out to South Beach. I personally hate the beach but my girl has been begging me to go. Any other alternative to sneakers? All I have is tennis shoes, don't really wear the "trendy" sneakers. Pretty much all I wear every day are beat up moccassins. But I doubt that is going to get me entry into the clubs. Any ideas?

A nice pair of black slip on loafers with no socks, jeans that fit and a nice shirt. You will be good to go.

rip asks ...

yo johnny, you just laid an egg.. saints just took more lube than the gimp. redeem yourself.. the canes are 10 point underdogs this weekend. should i take that action? holla, and btw. how can i meet miriam? have a contest so that spannk fans could meet your women. do i petition you?

Yo.. I cant win them all... yea Im 0-1.. but its only the beginning.. I love my Canes but they will get blown out... Johnnys pick : Sooners - 10

dick asks ...

Johnny, the colts minus six against the saints today? what do you think?

Ahhh... the smell of pigskin is in the air. Time for Football! I can tell you this, I have been betting on sports as long as I can remember, and there is not one handicapper out there that can touch my record. Tonight we have the first game of the year and it kicks of with the defending champs, the Indianapolis Colts vs. the New Orleans Saints. A few years back this would have been a boring laugher due to the hapless Saints not being worth a dime, but times have changed. They have Drew brees leading the charge and Reggie Bush backing him up. The Colts are about as solid as they have ever been and look good to defend their title. Tonights actual line at the moment stands at Colts -6.5. This is a tricky line because all Indy has to do is win by a touchdown. Every sucker in America is going to bet the Colts. It is the obvious play. This is why JOHNNY'S pick is : SAINTS +6.5. I would wait a bit before placing your wager because if enough suckers lay it on the Colts you could end up getting +7 which is a HUGE difference! Tonight I begin the season with a solid victory and a good start to my profitable football season. GOOD LUCK!

Sanchez asks ...

This page is awesome! Where else can you ask for advice and have to wait 2 weeks to get it?

I try to answer questions within 24 hours. I do agree that sometimes it may take me a little longer but there are times where I go on drug induced binges for days and it affects my productivity. I plan on staying sober for the next few months and hopefully be on top of things to better serve you, the Spannk community.

Luca asks ...

dude if i got a rant or random story to tell...how would I go about posting it?

Send it to info@spannk.com or you can post comments anytime you like.

Sexy asks ...

Johnny, I read the daily blog over at Bathroom Wall, and of course check your column. Wouldn't it make sense to have forums where the debates can go on and on? Or is the blogging format better for what you guys are trying to do?

Unfortunately, I am not in charge of the technical department. You have to send your question to info@spannk.com. Address it to "the brain". I do agree that we should have forums for discussion and I welcome the idea. Hopefully, "the brain" gets on it like he wants it and stops crying over spilled milk.

J-Qiukes asks ...

Johhny, rumors of Fidel's death have been buzzing my ear like an annoying mosquito since the beginning of the week. Then EL COLMO was when they told me yesterday that the US NAVY was circulating the island of Cuba , and that the Miami city police was on high alert! I know you must have a friend of a friend who has a tia conchita, that has a son who knows someone who works in the CIA that can put this to rest....whats the deal? has that NO good croqueta eating Devil worshiper finally kicked the bucket?...or not?

I have received word from a very reliable source that in fact, YES, Fidel Castro has died. I will not personally accept this story as being true until I see pictures of that communist bastard in a coffin, and the CIA conducts DNA tests. If in fact, he is dead, my only regret is that I have 2 grandparents that didnt live long enough to witness him die.

alexis asks ...

I certainly hope that Johnny is not Raul... That is the last person that I would take advice from.. But I am going to shoot ahead. Johnny, I am concerned about something: I could not help but get sucked into the forum you guys had on the Michael Vick situation. It really shocked me how ardent your readers were in wanting to throw Mike in jail. I know a lot of people and have talked over this situation with several of them and NONE of us feels like he should go to jail. It's ridiculous how the Federal Government is using him as a poster boy for animal abuse when this is a lot more common than people are led to believe. You seem like a straight shooter and was curious on your thoughts. By the way, dirty feet on girls ruined one of the best nights of my life in college. D I S G U S T I N G!!!!

Raul is definitely not smart enough to give advice but we love him anyways. I absolutely agree with you on the Mike Vick situation. I first must say that I am appalled by abuse of animals and in no way do I condone dog fighting. On the other hand, how in the hell can you crucify this guy for this, when we have convicted pedophiles living next to schools that get less punishment? I do realize that sometimes you need to make an example out of somebody high profile to send a message but this has gone too far. I hate to see so much money being spent on news coverage, court costs, prosecuting attorneys etc.. Lay off Vick. Suspend him from football for 8 games, make him do community service, and make hime donate a few million to the humane society and lets be done with it.

Classic asks ...

Yo Johnny. Why do American girls aka gringas choose to walk around barefoot? AND why do they refuse to clean their feet? It’s fucking disgusting man and a weapon of mass destruction against any boner. They even do it over here and third world countries are not really known for its clean streets. Please help me make some sense of this madness. Dale!

This is something that comes from the girls upbringing. If their parents let them run around as a kid without shoes, there is nothing you can do to teach them different. I had a similar experience at an after hours club a couple of weeks ago. From across the room I saw the hottest girl I had seen in a while. I made my way closer to her only to notice that she was dancing it up barefoot. The floor to this club was so dirty that the dirt had made its way up my jeans. It was so bad that with every step she was splattering spilled drinks that had fallen on the floor mixed with cigarette butts. My impression of this girl was immediately shot. She dropped from a 9 to a 6. Can you imagine taking her home and she jumps in your bed with those feet? NOT! I have also been on the flip side. I once was at an outdoor bar with a girl who had $600.00 Jimmy Choos on and it started to rain like hell. I could tell she was looking for cover and was concerned about her shoes. I told her to take them off and I would carry her to the car. Her response was classic, "hell no, I dont want to walk around barefoot like a sucia!". This was obviously a girl who had been taught how to be a lady from childhood. You will not be able to change them so you must decide what type of woman you want to chill with. I personally dont want to have to clean her feet before she gets in my bed so I choose to stay away from this type of girl.

ac asks ...

Hi Johnny, great column... Football is coming up and boyfriend is obsessed with football. It makes me crazy that he spends the entire weekend watching games. How can I get him to spend time with me during the day? I love going to the beach or going out to get some lunch, but he refuses to move from the couch. In fact he stays in his pjs until 8 pm... Trust me I am not a nagging gf, in fact many of my friends have similar complaints... We both work all week, and the weekend is the only time we have together... Any suggestions? And don't say try watching football with him, because I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that all football watching men are going to hate my answer but the truth always hurts. You both need to meet down the middle on this issue. If he is watching college football on Saturdays and NFL on Sundays, then this is too much for a relationship to sustain, especially, if you both have 9 - 5 jobs during the week. He needs to man up to his relationship and pick a day to give up. Saturday or Sunday, but you cannot ask him to give up both days. He will end up hating you for it and it will backfire on you. Maybe you can convince him that on one weekend he watch on Saturdays and the other weekend he watch on Sundays. If he is not willing to sacrifice anything, and wants to spend the entire weekend on the couch, then that should tell you what kind of man he is and you should think about what future you want with him. Now, if he agrees to meet you in the middle, then you have to make sure you leave him in peace. You must allow him to hang with his boys on "his" day and dont hang around to nag. Let his day be his day. There is no other way to make a situation like this work than for both of you to give a little.

admin asks ...

johnny, what do you think about the upcoming heat and dolphin teams? do you think that either have a chance?

I am a big fan of both teams and NO, we do not have a chance. The Dolphins are in disarray after our douchebag coach Nick Saban destroyed our team then bailed on us. We also failed to pick up a quality quarterback like Drew Brees and instead we go and sign an 87 yr. old Trent Green. Dolphins record this year: 8 - 8 at best. The same goes for the Miami Heat. This offseason our major move was to go out and pick up Penny Hardaway? Also, Shaq is done. The only reason Mr. Oneal won a title here in Miami is because Dwayne Wade carried him on his shoulders. Next season, Miami Heat will be no better than a #6 seed in the playoffs and they will lose in the first round.

colt45 asks ...

Don't kid yourself on the studying routine. I dated a girl who went to study group 3- times a week and still failed her class, twice. If that scandelous bitch wants a study group offer your house as a location. If she studders her response, immediately punch her in the throat. Works every time!

I would refrain from striking any female in the throat, but offering your house as a study group location is a good idea.

le-turd asks ...

Johnny, it takes like 10 wipes to get my ass clean after I drop a duce. what the hell is wrong with me? :(

Use baby wipes and follow through with a dry piece of toilet paper.

rip asks ...

Johnny, I like your style you gangsta. By the way great magazine my man, this shit is straight. My homeboy from the stead told me about it. I have a friend of mine whose a straight ass sucka. His chick is playin him yo, we all know that she hollas at guys from her school. She tells him that she is studying with people from class, but never gets the phone when he calls, because she say she studying. hOW could he believ her. I feel like stalking the bitch out to catch her in the act. I hate the female, plus she nappy as hell. WHAAT you think, all my boyz say that im crazy. Tell it to me straight, im tired of my boy looking foolish. one love for you boy.

It looks as if you have answered your own question. For some reason when, we fall in love with that huuuzy, we are blind. This is a syndrome that gets better with age. I myself can remember times in the past where I am temporarily blinded by those hips and thighs, but with maturity comes the ability to differentiate love and lust. I have no idea who this girl is and I can still tell you that shes playing your boy like a pansy. Saying that you have to go study is the oldest excuse in the book for women. Trust me, there is nobody that likes to study that much. Plus, in todays society of cellphones, why can't she answer? Your boy needs to "flip the script". This does not mean treating her like sh!t. It means that he should take it for what it is and just hit it and pay her no mind. Once she sees that hes not only into her, then she will be the one chasing. All you can do is give your boy advice and let him do what he wants. In the end, he will learn the hard way. - much love

SPANNKER asks ...

How do you go about becoming a writer for Spannk? I have some great concepts that I'D like to contribute......Also, I generally don't ask for advice, but I do find this whole anonymous thing pretty cool. Anyways, I've noticed that this city is growing tremendously. I have money tucked away that I would like to invest. Conventional wisdom alway tells you to go the real estate route, but i feel the market is too saturated. And with all these new buildings going up who in the hell is going to live in them anways? Where should i put my money. I feel that these money managers are sketchy, and i dont want to be taken to the cleaners. Thanksx, and keep up the good work.

Send us your article or articles to admin@spannk.com, if we like it, then we will put it in our issue and give you the credit. It is a great way to express yourself in a public forum. Now, regarding your issue to invest, I could sit here and write a book on what you should do in todays market, I will try to give you my answer in a more condensed version. I am a big fan of real estate. I myself have done well in the last few years. However, now is not the right time. Panic has started and will peak in about 6 months to a year. Cash is king during panic time and you should be ready. If you buy right now it will be hard to re-sell and the property taxes could eat up your profits. Wait until somebody's bad investment becomes your good investment. Be patient and wait to strike like a snake in the grass. The stock markets are starting to faulter and this could mean that people may begin coming back to real estate soon. Be alert and ready to make a move at any time but in no way do you want to force anything. Trust me, keep your ears and eyes open and a good deal will come to you soon. Everything is a cycle and real estate is no different. You must be on the opposite side of common practice. People buy when the market is good and sell at panic time. You must do the opposite and buy during panic time and sell when times are good. I would also look into your local property tax records and see who is way behind on their property taxes. Find their phone number and call them, if you cannot reach them, then send them a letter. Do it via fedex because this will insure that they will open it. Tell them that you want to make them an offer. In most cases you will be shot down but you must practice the law of averages and be ready to make the move when that 1 desperate person wants to sell. Make sure you know the values of the comparables in the area and always offer way below that. Good luck and remember not to rush into anything that doesnt feel right.

colt45 asks ...

Johnny,I have been dating this girl for about 3 months. We party all the time and have sex like porn stars. She loves to bring her girlfriends home to play. The other day she confessed her love to me and said she wanted to settle down. What bothered me was the fact that she said that she said loves me so much that she could never imagine bringing another girl into our bed again. How selfish can she get? Help me please.

You have asked the right person. I have more experience in this department than Lindsey Lohan has driving under the influence. You have to understand that no matter how good you have it in the beginning with a woman, she will always fall to feelings. I have had problems my entire life taking a relationship to the next level. Usually 3 months is all I last. It all goes down like this; you start off by having the time of your lives. You laugh, you party, you F!@k like rabbits and you really enjoy each others company. There is no pressure, no interrogations, and no detective work on her part etc... Then comes 2 months. She begins to turn on you like a snitch in the witness protection program. The changes are subtle but you begin to take notice. At this point, there is no turning back. Once she has professed her love, you can forget those drug induced orgies where she brings another girl home. You ask, "how can she be so selfish?" The reality is, we men are the ones being selfish. The poor girl just wants to take it to the next level. You probably brought this upon yourself by being too much of a sissy. You cant wife a girl in the first 2-3 months and then expect her not to fall for you. You are a product of "too much game" early on. You need to keep it real and be straight forward from the beginning. Eventually, your relationship will hit a crossroad but you may be able to prolong the party by being honest. As for your relationship Colt45, your honeymoon is over, accept it or move on.

postthis asks ...

Johnny, lately problems with my girlfriend have become unbearable... We've been dating for 3 years, and are reaching a point in our relationship that is make it or break it... Unfortunately, I've lied to her about something for 2 years that she found out about... Trust me that is something i had to lie about.. Now she constantly holds it against me and I cant stand fighting with her? Should I book and start over again with someone else? Please let me know, it's friday night and am starting to wig out. Home alone with nothing to do, Coral Gbles.

In every relationship there is always ups and downs, however, if you have been exposed to a lie that you have been hiding for 2 years I would atleast hope that you were not dumb enough to admit it. Women are like detectives trying to piece together a crime scene. Unless you spill your beans like a sissy, then she will never be able to prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt. Now, in your situation, it looks as if you have already made that mistake and now you are wondering how to make things better for yourself. Unfortunately, once you have been in a relationship for this period of time and the respect has been lost, then there is no saving it. I could sit here and tell you to change your life, be a better man, step up to the plate and make it work, but then you would just be a miserable person. I have seen many good friends head down this road of misery with their girlfriends, trying to make it work because "she is a good girl" or because "im getting older". Bull shit. Staying with a person for the sake of not being alone will be the worst mistake you will ever make. You only live once so dont ever force the issue of committment. You need to end this relationship and you both need to move on. Dont go running into another girls arms either. Take some time to learn how to be alone and enjoy life with friends and family. The wounds from your relationship will only heal once you have both moved on. If this girl is meant to be with you, then fate will give you another chance in the future, but only after you both have gone seperate ways and let the time heal the scars. No matter how much you give a dead horse CPR, hes not coming back to life. Dont beat yourself up over the mistakes you made in the relationship, instead learn from them so you can be a better person to the next girl that comes along. Remember to enjoy every day as if it was your last and dont waste life in misery.

le-turd asks ...

Johnny, I'm a terrible dancer. I always seem to be on the wrong beat. Should I get lessons?

Dancing comes from the soul. It comes from the genes of your forefathers. Unfortunately, if you cant follow a beat, then you will never be considered a "good dancer". Now, what are you trying to accomplish? Do you want to join the Rockettes and kick your legs up high in the air while you wear a "tou-tou"? Or, do you want to be good enough to not make a fool of yourself on the dance floor? I definitely feel that you can learn to dance to an "acceptable" degree if you take some lessons. I would take salsa classes because it will teach you to loosen up those hips and follow some beats, plus, women love men who can dance salsa. Find a friend that will go with you to these classes and have fun with it. The worst thing in dancing is being nervous, have a few drinks and let it flow from the inside of your soul and dont worry about what you look like. Life is short, dance as if nobody is watching!

dick asks ...

Johnny, I feel like I have too many thing's happening at once and thing's are falling through the cracks. Some of them are good and some bad, but I feel somewhat lost in the sense that everything is happening so fast that I've gotten overwhelmed. (Some in business and some personal). How do I get myself back to normal?

I myself have felt this way many of times. I like to make 2 lists of things that I need to do. 1 list is for work and the other is for personal. Some days I may have a total of 5 pages combined with stuff that I feel I could never get done. I used to try to finish each and every task, every day, and I would have a hard time doing so. I would feel as if the day was incomplete. I then realized that I was being too hard on myself and all I could do is try my very best to get the most accomplished as possible. I like to go down my list one by one and highlight every task as it gets done. Make your lists in priority order and dont worry if you dont complete it all as long as you try your best. Remember that you need to update your list every day and realize that you will never run out of things to do, so dont stress over it, and just get things done.

Jurassic asks ...

I would love to give my Penis a name, so my girl can call it when she needs it. What would be a cool name for it?

Tiny, Chiqui, Invisible man, Pindick, Q-tip, Maggot dick, Weeeener, The tickler, Tinkerbell

celia asks ...

Jonny I have not been on spannk in like 3 weeks give me the top articles to read I feel lost....

Its Johnny with an h... I like the "three amigos" article, I also like the information provided in "cooking your way". I love the pictures of Monica in the article "black on black". "when girls get along" is also good and of course, "ask Johnny".

chongi_ asks ...

Johnny, My friend wants an Ed hardy shirt for her birthday...is that out of style?

This is a question that has 2 answers. I feel that Ed Hardy on a guy has been played out. The good news is, that it has been played out for so long, that it may be coming back into style soon. Sort of like the 70s style coming back. Lets hope the 80s doesnt come back any time soon. For females, it is a completely different story. Woman still look smoking hot in Ed Hardy. I love those little skin tight Ed Hardy dresses that look like they are painted on. They come in different styles and colors but they are all pretty much hot hot hot. There are also some really cool t - shirts for women as well. I like the ones that have some holes in em and maybe falls on the shoulder a bit. I think that on females, E.H. still looks really good and the style still has some life left. - Johnny

colt45 asks ...

Johnny, I recently hooked up with a chick that I had a crush on since high school. When I woke up with her in my arms it was pure bliss. I layed there and watched this beauty sleep. Suddenly she ripped a fart on my leg. It was so loud that it woke her up. I pretended I was asleep. I never called her again, and I feel kind of bad. Am I being too plastic?

LOL. Im sorry that I had to laugh at you but dont take it personal. The first thing that I have to ask you, did it stink?. If it was one of those farts that as soon as you move the covers, you have to hold your breath, then I dont see how I could ever get over this. Also, did it vibrate on your leg? Maybe if she was my girlfriend for a long time then I would be able to overlook it, but, if it was the first night of sleeping next to this girl, then I would assume that she gasses up a storm on a nightly basis. I too find myself being a little "plastic" on this issue but its just one of those things that makes you turn your feelings on a dime. Many times in my life I have been fooled into thinking I have feelings for a girl only to wake up and see her panties on the floor with a skid mark. I have no idea why it is so easy for us men to think that we are in love only to have our feelings flip like a switch. Have you ever been in bed with a girl you have been after for a long time, and you are so happy to finally get to take her home only to see the morning sun glisten off of her "goatee"? Yeah, this is no fun. Unfortunately, a girl farting on my leg while she sleeps is a killer. Obviously, Im not going to dump my girlfriend over this but if this was on one of our first nights together, then I would have to say that I would not be able to follow through with any kind of relations except friendship. I would also advise you not to tell any of your friends about this because this kind of "chisme" will spread like wildfire and you will embarrass this girl for a lifetime. - Johnny

Jurassic asks ...

How do i naturally increase the size of my penis?

There are alot of companies out there that try to make you think that you could increase your penis size with their product. Unfortunately, this problem is hereditary and is very difficult to treat. You have to think of your "kyak" like a muscle. If you work out your chest and arms every week then you will see yourself getting bigger and stronger. The same goes for your penis. Think of it as a muscle that must be worked out in order to gain strength and size. I ask you, are you sexually active? Most likely, the answer is no. Long periods of inactivity will make your "muscle" weak and reduce the blood flow needed for a healthy erection. My only non-medical advice that I can tell you, is to give your "kyak" regular work outs. If your one of those non-pussy getting miami meatheads, then I would suggest working out with "manny and his five sisters" as often as possible. Good luck. - Johnny